New Beginnings

January 5, 2009

Happy New Year to everyone!

The image to your left is a painting I did called "Alive." Today, my first day back in gear after the holidays, I'm not quite feeling as alive as I will when I get used to getting up at 5:45am again. But I'm definitely feeling like 2008 has been a huge transformation and like the woman in the painting, I'm emerging and readying my wings for new flight.

Well, I still can't believe 2008 is gone. It's been quite a year. In numerology, adding up both numbers gives you 10, which is about completion. If you just count the 8, it's about change. I believe that about covers last year. And I just realized that 2009 makes 11, the number of ascension. Talk about new beginnings! But also, 11 comes down to 2, which is about balance, especially of Self. I don't know much about numerology, but it seems to me this is right on target.

We need balance in order to move forward.

Believe me, I know. I re-injured my knee about a week ago, a day or 2 before New Year's Eve. Try walking without balance - it doesn't work too well. It's a pattern and I am hoping I can release it this time, but I know it's about both of these things: balance and moving forward. It's also about "the fall" - things I no longer need are falling away from me so that what I desire and am ready for can flow right in. I fell down the stairs - not a whole staircase, just enough steps to not be able to catch myself before my knee went into the railing and bent too far forward. Ouch. But... I'm thankful for my knee. I know it is a messenger for me, telling me it's time to move forward and leave behind what no longer serves my higher purpose, and to take good care of myself.

I applied to 2 different arts grants a while back and got back the results for both over the holidays. I got neither one and honestly was shocked, especially for the one I've been successful with in the past. I've been turning this around to keep my mind positive, telling myself this only means the money will come from somewhere else to complete my projects. Part of me believes it and part of me is still skeptical, so I keep turning it around and turning it over to Source. And I began my 2nd project, which for now consists mostly of painting. Still working on my 1st one, which is the album that will come out this spring.

I have wanted a wall unit ever since I moved into this place, because I had been unable to bring the one I had into this apartment due to its weight and dimensions. Someone told me about Freecycle and so I joined the yahoo group for my city a couple of weeks ago. I began giving things away immediately and the responses were quick and abundant! I knew I'd need a ride and people to help me move things into my apartment, so I let a few pieces of furniture slip by that I saw on the Freecycle list. After a lot of clearing and re-organizing in here, I really could feel my desire for a wall unit growing.

A day later, I had a friend over and when I told her about Freecycle, she immediately offered to help me, saying she had a van! Yesterday I got my wall unit - and a t.v. to go with it - all for FREE. Then I realized I needed a component to make the DVD player work, so I sent a request to Freecycle. Within less than 30 minutes, someone responded with exactly what I need.

My gratitude is flowing.

My knee has been getting better too, and much more quickly than before. My neighbour helped me get groceries, my daughter has been doing the laundry for me and I've been in a space of consciously allowing myself to receive whatever is coming.

I've also been acting on inspiration.

A few days ago, I was channel-surfing and could not find one thing to watch that I hadn't already seen. It was all reruns, news (read: negative news), reality shows and other stuff I don't care for. I turned to my daughter and said, "you want the internet and I'm sick of what's on t.v. If I cut off cable, I could get you the internet." Her eyes got wide and she immediately and excitedly said "YES!" She does all kinds of creative art online and enjoys her time on there, but I can't let her use my computer too much because it is mostly for my work.

The thing is, I use the t.v. as a crutch. When I eat, when I feel bored, when I want to hear something in the background, or when I tell myself I want to relax... I turn on the t.v. I could be using that time to meditate, visualize, read, listen to music or even just go into my imagination and let it flow. Funny how after I made the decision to get rid of cable, I got calls from 2 good friends who both live out of town and were visiting here. So I got to have my good friends over (courtesy of my knee - I still couldn't go anywhere). So one more step forward, and letting go one more thing that's holding me back from connecting more fully to Source and my inner Source.

I don't know what this year will hold for me - I don't even know what this day will hold for me - but I am intending to feel better and better, seek and find what makes me feel good, and open wide to receive it.

Love, Light & Harmony,
Brenda